The random adventures of Johnny Gat
Johnny Gat-Where the hell am I? Dane Vogel-Welcome back to Stillwater Johnny. Johnny Gat-Wait didn't we kill you 5 years ago? Dane Vogel-I was brought back to life by some guy named Lord Cthlhu or however it is spelled. Johnny Gat-Oh crud I better warn the others. Robert Banks-Abou---------oh my god Dane Vogel is alive again? Johnny Gat-Afraid so. Robert Banks-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Robert Banks broke down crying Kinzie Kensington-Calm down boss calm down. Shaundi-So Dane why should I not smite you where you stand? Everyone had sweatdrops on their head as they gave sideways glances at Shaundi. Pierce-Can we just push Dane Vogel out of a window. As everyone had decided to take a bus back to the hideout. Kinzie Kensington-So this abandoned hotel is our new hideout? Keith David-Don't complain we can make this joint better. Carlos then woke up from his slumber. Shaundi-Carlos. Benjamin King then walked in. Carlos-Your Benjamin mother****** King. Benjamin King-Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Carlos-No but I have kissed your wife with that mouth. Benjamin King-You best shut your mouth son before you get got. Carlos smirked as he went back to sleep as it was 12 PM. Benjamin King-Nice shorts son did your mom pick out your Spongebob Shorts? Matt Miller and Donnie bursted out laughing. Carlos then got up and proceeded to kick Donnie and Matt in the nuts. Carlos-Now that I'm awake might as well catch up on things past. Carlos-Today is my 25th birthday. Johnny Gat-That is nice Carlos. Pierce came in through the door Pierce-I got you a present Carlos. Keith David-So Carlos you used to be with the Saints? Carlos-Yes. Robert Banks-Well the Saints are back bitches and Carlos you are officially my liutenant. Carlos:Woot Woot. Kinzie Kensington-Apologize right now for calling me a bitch you dumbshit. Robert ignored Kinzie and explained that the Saints need to tell the other bitches what is what. Kinzie who had enough with the word bitch got up and slapped Robert in the face. Shaundi-Owch you ok boss? Tears welled into Roberts eyes Robert Banks-Sniff sniff what did I do to you Kinzie? Kinzie-You called me a bitch. Donnie-No he didn't. Kinzie-Excuse me Donald you don't know what went down so back off girlyman. Donnie was stunned into silence by Kinzies meanness. Kinzie-You said we need to tell the bitches what is what. Shaundi-He wasn't talking to you knucklehead. Kinzie-You weren't? I'm sorry. Pierce-You ain't got any brains at all do ya Kinzie? Kinzie-If I didn't have any brains Pierce Washington I would be you. Robert Banks started laughing hysterically. Pierce-You know what boss why are you laughing? Robert Banks-Sorry but Kinzie owned you. Pierce-Hey boss do you want me to tell everyone about your proclivities? Robert Banks-Do it and I will twist your titties.until they are red. Zimos Angel Oleg Viola and Burt Reynolds arrived. Angel-What was that about twisting Pierce's titties until they are red? Robert Banks-He wanted to tell everyone about my proclivities. Viola Dewynter-What proclivities? Robert Banks-Errrr Robert sighed as he whispered into Viola's ears. Viola Dewynter-Oh my god you masturbate to the feed dogs? Robert hung his head in shame and nodded his head yes. Pierce-Wow you need help. Robert had enough and kicked Pierce's crotch. Kinzie-Wow your so angry because you masturbate to a feed dogs poster Robert-I used to Kinzie. As Robert and the gang went out to have some fresh air. Shaundi-Good to be back home. Veteran Child-Hey Shaundi Shaundi-O_O Oh shit not him. Veteran Child-Come on Shaundi You know you want some of this. Shaundi-You kidnapped me Veteran Child, Veteran Child-That was the past this is the present. Shaundi-I will never date you. Veteran Child then started crying on the floor. Oleg-What a baby. Josh Birk-Hey guys I'm starring in the new movie Bukkake Ninja 2:Revenge of the Bukkake Matt Miller-I'm sorry none of us are into Bukkake. Josh Birk-Errrrr ok so I heard the gang is back can I join? Keith David-There is only room for one actor and that is me. Josh Birk whipped out a gun and put it in his mouth and his blew his brains out however he was revived 9 seconds later with his brains intact. Keith David then walked away with a sweatdrop on his head. Josh Birk followed Josh Birk-I heard the British hacker is my biggest fan. Matt Miller-Yes I'am can Joshua plean rejoin the Saints? Robert Banks-Alright fine by the way Shaundi has a crush on you Josh. Josh Birk-What? Shaundi-He is not lying I love you Josh I wanna marry your sexy ass. Josh Birk-What did you do to the real Shaundi? Josh Birk-I think Shaundi is being sarcastic. Shaundi-I'm not you moron I really like you. Josh Birk-What changed your mind in 2 years? Zimos-She is desperate for love. Shaundi-Hey Zimos do you want facial reconstructive surgery? Zimos-No maam. Shaundi-Then shut up before I curb stomp your head on the pavement. Zimos gave Shaundi a dirty look and then proceeded to walk ahead. Johnny Gat-So does that mean the Ronin Sons of Samedi and Brotherhood are back? Pierce-Oh shit We never took that into account. Meanwhile a horde of Ronin members appeared out of nowhere pointing their AR40-Xtnds at the group. Johnny Gat then took out his axe and sliced each and every ronin member's head off. Viola Dewynter-Wow those Ronin idiots were no match for you. Johnny Gat-No they weren't and when I get my hands on Shogo for having his bitch Jyunichi nearly killing me this will be the most pleasant thing I have ever felt. Angel-What caused Jyunichi to nearly kill you? Johnny Gat-5 years ago my girlfriend Aisha was decapitated by that asstard Jyunichi but since she was brought back to life by ctulhu I just want my revenge. Johnny and the others got into a criminal and decided to drive towards the Ronin hideout At the hideout Shogo Akuji-Listen I know the Saints want my ass but you are gonna stop them got it? Jyunichi speaks japanese which infuriates Shogo Shogo Akuji-This is America you prostitute speak English before I cut your dick off. Jyunichi-Go fuck yourself Jyunichi stormed off. Kazuo Akuji-You have a way with people don't you my son? Shogo Akuji-Piss off dad A sardonic grin appeared on Kazuo's face as he turned around to come face to face with the Saints Shogo Akuji-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Shogo then burst into tears and ran off with Angel and Matt in hot pursuit. Kazuo Akuji-My son is a bitch. Johnny Gat-On that we can agree Kazuo Meanwhile Shogo Akuji-No what did I do to the Saints leader this time? Aisha-You ordered your boy Jyunichi to kill me but since I'm alive we're gonna get our revenge for you being a pain in the Saints ass. Shogo Akuji-Oh god Aisha I apologize Matt Miller-Too late Shogo.